The Ballad Of Smokin Joe Rudeboy

[Intro]
Am
 
[Verse]
Am                                                E
Let me tell a little story about a man long time ago
                                                  F        G     Am
He was the quickest draw in the wild west by the name of Smokin' Joe
 
It's Smokin' Joe! Hit the floor
        E
But he didn't own no six-gun
 
Lemme tell you what he'd do
 
When the varmint rode into town
                                     Am
He'd shoot 'em down with a big fat "fuck you!"
 
[Chorus]
                                 C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
       G
7.50 dollars for large soy cappucino
       F
Lemme get my wallet
          E
Fuck you!
 
         Am                      C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
       G
Even though I'm not with Amazon you're calling me to tell me
          F
That my profile has been hacked?
         E
Fuck you!
 
 
[Verse]
Am                              C
And so Joe held the law in the town in which he lived
             G                                              F
Yeah! Only stupid motherfuckers would talk shit around Rudeboy
                   E
With his whiplash wrist
 
Gon' get it now!
 
Am                                   C
Leroy "Two Gun" Jenkins thought that he could surely win
       G                                     F
But before Leroy could blink he was told to sit and spin
               E
Why don't you take it for a ride now?
 
Am                                 C
The Mongoose Mountain Gang played dirty with a twenty-man crew
     G                                     F
But tales are told that Joe grew eighteen arms
               E
That day as a gift from Vishnu
 
Am
And as he rose in fame
C                                  G
Every quickdraw outlaw came to the man
                                           N.C.
They heard whose fists would burn when he flipped the bird
 
 
[Chorus]
        Am                         C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
            G
You wanna refund the money that I spent
                      F
In your shop with a store credit?
         E
Fuck you!
 
         Am                       C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
      G
Everybody brought a platter to my fancy birthday dinner
          F
But you brought soda water?
         E
Fuck you!
 
 
[Verse]
Am                             C                        G
He got that name because his finger burns hot like the sun
                 F                E
And leaves you smokin' when he's done
 
Am                             C
It's just as well that Joe is fast as hell
         G
Cause in every duel he won I'm not sure
F                   E
Joe knew that they had a literal gun
 
Am
I know that they're packing heat
       C
And I know that they know that I'm the man to beat
            G
But when I step onto the street with a jingle in my feet
      F                          E
They know that I know that they know that they can
 
Fuck themself!
 
Am
Some say many years ago
          C
Before Joseph Rudeboy was Smokin' Joe
    G
He had a wife; her name was Bo
    F                   E
Bo was with child in a happy home
 
Am
But into town an outlaw came
            C
Who wore a velvet cloak like a bloodstain
    G
Now Bo didn't like Joe using no gun
   F               E
So Bo told Joe to fucking run
 
Am                                 C
"You gotta bring back help!" (Run fast Joe, fast Joe)
 G
Lemme stay and fight!
             F                E
But Bo said "No guns, you've got to go!"
 
 
[Bridge]
Am              C
Joeseph Rudeboy was too slow
       G
For a child that he'd never know
 
Am               C
Joeseph Rudeboy you're too slow
          G                              C
Burning inside Joeseph died but from the ash the man who rose was
 
 
[Chorus]
        Am                         C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
He's a human pheonix
                 G
Yes, that's the word
 
I heard he was born in a fire
      D
And rides a pair of flamin' birds
        Am                        C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
I heard he's never shot no-one but he's
 G
Still locked up half of the wild west
                  D
Lookin' for a velvet-wearing son-of-a-gun
 
 
[Verse]
A                          C
One day an outlaw came to town
 
Come out here Smokin' Joe
        G
You're just as well already dead
           F                E
He wore a velvet cloak but Joe saw red
 
Am                            C
And on the street the fateful pair did meet
          G
All the townsfolk came to watch when they knew
 F              E
Joe was gonna tell someone to f—
 
Am                                        C
Their eyes were locked what seemed like three eternities
   G
To Joe the velvet man seemed different
      D
From how he remembered him to be
 
    Am                              C
But it was all the same to Smokin' Joe, who'd been through hell
             G
He'd dreamt every night the last eighteen years
     F                  E
Of telling this guy to fuck himself
 
Am                             C
But when Joe went to ball his hand into a flamin' fist
     G
The outlaw shot him first with a
        F                  E
Middle finger that looked just like his
 
Am                   C
And as Joe fell he beheld the outlaw's face
         G
A young girl who'd seen it all
          F                E
And grew up in a terrible place
 
Am
Whose mother once told Joeseph
    C
To run and bring back help
   G                                  N.C.
A girl who thought her father had run out to save himself
 
 
[Chorus]
        Am                         C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
          G
You been telling everybody I'm a deadbeat daddy
       F
Didn't know I tried to save ya?
 
Yeah
      E
Fuck you, daughter!
 
        Am                         C
Smokin' Joe! (it's Smokin' Joe Rudeboy!)
 
Lemme make sure I heard you right
       G                                                  F
Now I found my father and I learnt the truth we can be reunited?
 
That's right
      E
Fuck you, old man!
 
 
[Outro]
Am